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Bryan Garcia's avatar

I loved every word of this. Even though I've lived alone and away from my family and friends since 2012, I mostly haven't felt lonely during that stretch. I couldn't really define why, though beyond "alone, but not lonely." However, your quote below is the best articulation of why I haven't felt lonely:

"The thing is, loneliness isn’t just a feeling of disconnection from others, it’s also a feeling of disconnection from oneself."

I wish I thought of that sentence first! Me being an introvert definitely plays a role in why I don't feel that disconnection from myself too often. But you also talk about making meaningful connections, and being able to talk to my family and closest friends, whether once a week virtually or 3 times a year in person, helps me so much in staying tethered to myself.

I did feel that loneliness and disconnect from myself, though, during the first month after a tough break-up recently. In that same paragraph I quoted you from, you talked about diving into those shame vortices. Your advice about diving into those vortices also applies to managing oneself after a break-up, at least in my experience. I'll never have full closure with my ex, but going down that rabbit hole -- allowing the waves to sadness to come in like a tide and then recede, visiting our old spots on my own to validate the good times we shared instead of avoiding them, etc. -- has brought me a lot of closure with myself, and that's been a massive boost for me as I continue to do the work toward fully moving on.

Anyway, I've written too much when these posts are your soapbox. Thanks for the late-night thought-provoking read!

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Luiz Roche's avatar

Very nice words :)

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