Elsa Maxwell

An inspiration to us all, and more specifically - me.

Welcome to the palate cleanser, otherwise known as our little break between dinner party themes, where I get to write about whatever want. Last time, I wrote about the loneliness epidemic. You can read it here. This time, I want to talk about a woman named Elsa Maxwell. She is a huge inspiration to me, and one of the reasons I took Ruined Table in the direction that I did - intricate and weirdly-themed dinner parties, as opposed to non sequiter, one-off recipes. So gather round the fire, kids, as I weave a tale of the greatest hostess to ever grace the party scene.

She did it again!

Elsa Maxwell was born in Iowa in 1883. She grew up to become many things - gossip columnist, radio host, and matchmaker, to name a few, but she is most well known for her lavish and ridiculous soirees. She reigned over the international glitterati scene from the 1920s until her death in 1963. Her guest lists included royalty, high society and the most famous and infamous figures of the day, and, get this - her parties almost always had a theme. In Paris in 1927, she threw a “Come as you Were” party, where guests had to arrive dressed as they were when they received their invitation. She sent invites out at all hours, so some guests arrived in casual clothes (the horror!), some in pajamas, and others simply in the top half of a tuxedo. She threw a “Hate Party,” where guests had to come dressed as their arch nemesis. She came dressed as King Farouk of Egypt. He had previously sued her for defamation and Elsa was simply NOT having it.

Elsa with- (clockwise from top left) The Duke and Duchess of Windsor, Hazel Scott, Marilyn Monroe, Grace Kelly, Cole Porter, a skunk

I’m really burying the lead here, but Elsa invented the scavenger hunt! It was 1927 in Paris, once again, and oh, the shenanigans that ensued. There were accusations of theft, injuries, and disturbances around the city that people are still talking about. She held another one in NYC around Halloween in 1933. Party-goers had one and a half hours to collect as many items from the following list as possible:

A live goat (non-political); the bandeau from the head of New York's most gracious hostess; a hair from Kermit Roosevelt's mustache (if he will permit such familiarity); a live turtle; the most beautiful woman in New York not yet present at the party; a bottle of good champagne unopened until passed on by the judges; any bird (not canaries or common sparrows); the future Mayor of New York, or his signature dated tonight; the autographed bodice or "step in" of one of New York's most popular actresses; the private visiting list of Miss Juliana Cutting; a lighted red lamp or lantern; the red carnation of Mr. Clifton Webb at the Music Box; the initialed handkerchief of New York's most charming and honest banker; three red hairs from a lady's head; a mauve comb; a live monkey; a shoe of Jimmy Durante; any unused foreign stamp; a bicycle.

You can read more about the scavenger hunt in this article from Time Magazine, published on November 13, 1933. Elsa’s approach to entertainment was unabashed and through the roof. She was adept at making her guests feel comfortable and always offered an unforgettable experience. To put it concisely: she was a pro at partying.

Serve the dinner backward, do anything – but for goodness sake, do something weird.

-Elsa Maxwell

Elsa on a dry ski jump wearing a Satan sweater. I have no idea what’s happening here.

Despite how wonderful, weird, and amazing Elsa was, her inner and outer worlds never quite aligned. She was a closeted lesbian her entire life, yet was quite outspoken about the “dangers of homosexuality.” She spoke endlessly about the importance of physical beauty in others while publicly berating her own looks. She claimed that friends and relationships were the most important thing to her, yet she threw ‘hate parties,’ and was at the center of more than her fair share of social feuds. I don’t know that this necessarily means anything, or if it’s good or bad. It’s just something I noticed. I do wonder how she felt when the parties ended, or what she thought about when (if) she ever had a moment alone. It seems she was always at odds with herself, to the point where she could have gone as Elsa Maxwell to the hate party, instead of King Farouk.

She’s no different than you or I, in that respect. We all abandon ourselves for the approval of others, sometimes. She was just really successful at it. Like, she monetized it. She waltzed into a world where she would have never normally been accepted and completely dominated it. She was the fiercest gatekeeper, even against herself - she only allowed a small portion of who she really was through that gate. The irony is that even though she is a lauded connector of people, she failed at connecting her own core with her persona. This makes me sad, and I’m not even really sure why. People do this type of thing all the time. (Maybe that’s why it makes me sad.) By all accounts, Elsa died a happy woman, and she definitely left an impressive legacy. I guess I just wish she didn’t feel like she had to work so hard to be loved. In fact, I wish all of us could be free in the world without feeling like we have to twist ourselves into knots to be loved and accepted. The cool news is, we can, we just have to not care what others think and be okay with pissing people off sometimes. Elsa was not opposed to having enemies, in fact she once said “I make enemies deliberately. They are the sauce piquante to my dish of life.” Maybe there’s something to that. Maybe we should be less afraid of making enemies. But here’s the trick, a VERY important trick, and one that I’m not sure Elsa would approve of - you can’t hate your enemies. You wouldn’t want your enemies hating you, would you? And we already have waaaaaaay too much hate in the world, anyway. So go out there, be like Elsa, be weird, pet skunks, wear a SATAN sweater (that is what her sweater says, right? Am I seeing things?) Just don’t take it personally if people don’t like it, cause it really doesn’t matter if they do. Create enemies, and love the living daylights out of them - from afar. And if you get invited to a hate party, maybe opt out.

See you next time with a new dinner party theme and host! It aligns perfectly with Halloween, so expect something spooky. This will likely be in 3 weeks instead of 2, cause I’m in the weeds. If you have an idea for a theme, leave a comment here or on IG. If I use your theme, you get a prize! I have no idea what the prize will be yet, but that’s a bridge we’ll cross together.

This newsletter was not written by AI