A Taste of Texas

Here's a scrumptious little ditty for all you cowfolks out there.

Hey team! I have cool news - it’s one year ago today that I launched this newsletter. You can read the inaugural post here: Welcome to Ruined Table. It still holds up! Since then, our dinner parties have been delicious and varied, running the gamut from American chain restaurants, utopian dinners in Shangri-la, witchy magical food spells, Christmas with the machines and an Après-ski Alpine feast for the ages. For this one, I thought I’d return to my roots, back to the state where my love of food began. I’m talkin’ about Texas, y’all.

For those of you who don’t already know, I’m extremely Texan. It’s why I cuss all the time and am sooooo deeply bull-headed. It’s also why my diet consists mostly of beef, pickled jalapeños and cheese. I have family all over the state - Houston, Austin, Wichita Falls, El Paso, Corpus Christie, Fort Worth and a ranch in the foothills of the Texas Hill Country. I developed my palate in Texas, and it’s where I learned to cook. Back in the day, you could find me alongside my mother as she fried up a batch of ground beef tacos (I liked to sneak pinches of raw ground beef when she wasn’t looking), or firing up the smoker for a day of barbecuing ribs with my dad. Anytime I went to my grandma’s house, you better believe we were making her Texas sheet cake, and I always got to lick the bowl. I love my roots, but it took me leaving the state to realize I even had them. I moved to NYC in 2008. “Just for one year, so I can say that I did it!” I packed my car with whatever would fit inside, and drove to Manhattan. I didn’t have a job, I didn’t have any money and I didn’t have a place to live. (Don’t worry, it all worked out.) During the 8 years I was there, I trekked countless miles, all over the city and outer boroughs looking for a decent bowl of queso, a smoked brisket taco or a chicken fried steak. None of those things existed there at the time, although you can find pretty good BBQ in the city nowadays. Almost 17 years later, I’m here in Los Angeles, still on the hunt for anything that resembles the food of my youth. Texas, especially its cuisine, is never far from my mind.

Clockwise from top left: chicken fried steaks; BBQ brisket; Bob Armstrong queso from Matt's El Rancho in Austin; a typical Whataburger order; Tex-Mex combo plates; Shiner Bock beer; a BBQ spread; Crawfish boiling in the pot; me, with way too many sides at Terry Blacks BBQ in Dallas during the Lessons in Chemistry press tour

I could write a full-length book about Texas cuisine, and probably will one day, but for our current purposes, let’s stick with the elevator pitch. Texas is mostly known for having the world’s best BBQ. Do not argue with me on this - say what you will about pork from other states, but when it comes to beef, the slabs of brisket from Texas are unsurpassed. Smoky, juicy and fork tender, you buy it by the pound, and it’s always served with white bread, pickles, onions and a slew of BBQ sauces that go from slightly sweet (but never too sweet), to tart, mustardy and piquant. The sides for Texas BBQ are an entire meal in and of themselves, usually consisting of pinto beans with or without burnt ends, coleslaw, mac-n-cheese, creamed corn and potato salad. For dessert, there’s pecan pie, peach cobbler or banana pudding. Next we have Tex-Mex, which deserve it’s own separate newsletter. I like to think of Tex-Mex as a mashup of Southern and Mexican food. It began in San Antonio with the invention of chili power in the late 1800s, and spread from there. You’ll know you are at a Tex-Mex spot if there is queso on the menu - it’s the Tex-Mex holy grail, with puffy tacos and chili gravy not far behind. Tex-Mex cuisine is also the birthplace of the famous combination plate, where you can get an enchilada, a chile relleno, and a crispy ground beef taco, all on one huge platter, covered in yellow cheese, with a side of porky refried beans and Mexican rice. Dessert at a Tex-Mex establishment almost always includes sopapillas, which are bits fried dough, not unlike beignets, that are doused in honey. Don’t forget to pick up some pecan pralines on the way out, they are always by the register, and if you miss these delicate candies, well, then you’ve majorly goofed, my friend.

Texas food is greatly influenced by Cajun, German and Czech culture, as well, whether that’s in the form of a crawfish boil in Beaumont, a frosty stein of Shiner Bock and a schnitzel in Fredericksburg, or box of kolaches from the Czech stop in West - it’s just off the highway, and it’s the perfect road food for the drive from Austin to Fort Worth. And in the Houston area specifically, you’ll find some of the best Vietnamese food the US has to offer. Texans grow the juiciest grapefruit and peaches, and pecans in one form or another can be found on most menus. You can grab a top-notch steak anywhere you go, whether it’s bbq’ed, grilled or chicken-fried. In fact, forget the steaks, you can grab a top-notch cow in most parts of the state. Many people opt to buy whole steers directly from reliable ranchers and have them butchered humanely. You can buy them whole, halved or quartered, and then share the meat with friends and family. [Cue the Texas state anthem here.] Texas is the birthplace of chicken fried steak, the corny dog, Texas red chili, and with that - the Frito chili pie. Summers in Texas are nothing without a scoop of Blue Bell ice cream. Texas toast, Dr. Pepper and the greatest fast food chain of all time- Whataburger, all exist because a Texan made them. And although the Margarita was not invented in Texas, the frozen margarita machine was - by a brilliant guy named Mariano Martinez in Dallas in 1971. I, for one, cannot imagine a world without frozen margaritas. And I certainly cannot imagine a world without food from the state of Texas.

Our menu:

Let’s mosey on down the road.

Texas in the springtime, 2021. All photos by yours truly, 35mm.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll provide recipes, photos and details for every item on this menu, plus an invitation template that you can screenshot and send out, should you choose to throw this dinner party yourself. (Which you totally should!) I’ll also create a Texas playlist for your listening pleasure (I predict my best playlist yet!), decoration & game ideas, Up for Discussion conversation starters, wine suggestions, a grocery list, and a prep plan to help get it all done, so stay tuned. And remember, you have permission to take what you want from this and leave the rest. These recipes work just as well a la carte as they do as part of a complete Texas-themed menu.

And as a anniversary gift to everyone, I’m making the entire Taste of Texas series free for all subscribers. Thanks for being here. It’s been a helluva year and I’m glad you were all along for the ride. Here’s to many more years of ruining tables. Yee-haw mother fuckers!

Stay messy,

McBroom 🤠

This newsletter was not written by AI.