Saddle Up, Pardner: Our Taste of Texas Dinner Party Begins!
Brisket nachos and frozen margs are on the way.
Hey team! Welcome to the dinner party of my roots. This is not a situation where you serve the food all at once. You gotta mosey your way through this meal. Have a ranch water. Mosey. Make a batch of margaritas. Mosey some more. Assemble the smoked brisket nachos and throw them in the oven. Piddle around for a little bit. Put the finishing touches on the nachos and make another round of margs… If you do it right, this dinner should last at least 6 hours, not including the sopapillas for dessert. So set aside a full day and invite your pals over for a laid back, boot-scootin’ good time. I’ve included an invitation template, a playlist and recipes for ranch water, frozen margaritas and smoked brisket nachos below. The rest will come in the following few weeks!
Menu
Invitations
Playlist
Contrary to my usual playlist MO, this one is quite long and in no particular order. It’s easily my favorite playlist so far. It’s mostly country music, with a few not-so country songs from Texan musicians. The only way this playlist could be improved would be with the addition of Garth Brooks. The Dance, Rodeo and Friends in Low Places should absolutely be here, but Garth is one hard-headed son of a gun, and doesn’t allow any of his music on streaming platforms. It’s a damn shame - Shameless, really.
Put this baby on shuffle, hit play and fix yourself a ranch water. It's the perfect thing to sip on while you make some frozen margaritas, which are the perfect thing to slurp alongside the smoked brisket nachos, which are, coincidentally, the perfect thing to snack on while you make another round of frozen margaritas.
Ranch Water
makes 1
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The New York Times published a recipe for ranch water a few months ago and my initial response upon seeing it was to yell “goddammit” and slam my computer shut. I didn’t want the whole world to know about ranch water. I wanted it to remain a special thing that I could impress my non-Texan friends with. “Do you know about ranch water?” is what I’d say, piquing their interest before I barreled them with the facts. “It was invented in Texas, supposedly by an Austin restauranteur named Kevin Williamson in 1998. He actually served it as a margarita with a sparkling water on the side, and you were supposed to keep filling the glass with more water as you drank down the margarita. But now the ranch water has basically morphed into a tequila soda with tons of lime, but there is extra hydration, because the thing that’s remained is you gotta keep topping it off with the soda until it’s all gone, and it has to be Topo Chico. I moved to Austin in ‘98 and I remember having my first ranch water at a restaurant there (with a fake ID, of course). I was around for the inception!”
To this, I can only assume my friend would reply “Courtney, I’m so grateful that you finally told me about this drink that literally nobody outside of Texas has ever heard of. I must have done a lot of good deeds in a past life to be rewarded with your friendship in this one. Your brilliance regarding food and beverage consistently amazes me. You are a beautiful angel sent down from heaven. If only there was some way I could incorporate more of this ranch water energy into my life…” At this point I would bless my friend with the ranch water recipe, and make them promise not to share it with anyone affiliated with the New York Times.
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But who am I to gatekeep ranch water? (Who is anyone to gate keep anything?) So, without further ado, I give you the official Ruined Table Ranch Water recipe - it is a recipe for tequila and soda with lime, BUT! — I include a secret ingredient that the NYT recipe developers don’t know about, and I’m fairly certain Kevin Williamson didn’t know about it either. It’s called Xtabentun, pictured above in the center. It’s a honey-anise flavored liqueur from the Yucatan. Most liquor stores can special order it if they don’t already stock it, and it is well worth the request. It adds a hint of aromatic sweetness, and will elevate your ranch water to a fun-filled honky tonkin’ Ruined Table recipe of the ages. I list it as optional, but you know what to do.
Ingredients
2 ounces tequila blanco
1 ounce lime juice
1/2 - 1 ounce Xtabentun, optional
1, 12-ounce bottle Topo Chico or other highly effervescent sparkling water
lime wedge, for serving
Instructions
Fill a glass with ice. Add the tequila, lime juice and Xtabentun, if using. (Start with 1/2 ounce of the Xtabentun, and add more for a stronger flavor, if desired.) Stir, top with the sparkling water and garnish with the lime wedge. Continue to top the drink off with the remaining sparkling water as you consume it.
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Make ahead: If you are planning to make a lot of these, it always helps to squeeze the limes in advance. Lime juice loses it’s flavor and brightness quickly, so plan to juice them no earlier than the day before, or even better - the morning of.
Alts and subs: You can omit the Xtabentun altogether, or substitute an orange liqueur like Cointreau. If you like a sweeter drink, add more Xtabentun, if you like it drier, add less.
Frozen Margaritas
makes 4
Nothing beats a frozen margarita on a hot day. Or a cold day. Or a day where you need a light jacket in the morning, but then regret having worn it because it heated up in the afternoon and now what are you supposed to do with this dang jacket?
Ingredients
4 oz simple syrup (1 cup sugar : 1 cup water)
Kosher salt
8 oz tequila
8 oz fresh lime juice
4 oz Cointreau
6 cups ice
lime wedges, for serving
Instructions
Make the simple syrup: Bring 1 cup of sugar and 1 cup of water to a boil. Let it cool and chill before using. This amount makes extra simple syrup, keep it in an airtight container in the fridge for making more batches of margaritas.
To make margaritas on the fly: Add the chilled simple syrup, tequila, lime juice, Cointreau and ice to a blender and blend on high until all the ice has broken down. Rim 4 margarita glasses with salt. (See note.) Divide amongst the glasses and garnish each with a lime wedge.
For extra slushy margaritas: Combine the simple syrup, tequila, lime juice and Cointreau in a double lined freezer bag or Tupperware container, then store that mixture in freezer for at least 4 hours, up to overnight. To serve, blend with the ice, and divide amongst margarita glasses with salted rims and garnish with a lime wedge. I highly recommend this route if you have the time and foresight.
Note: To create salt rims, add a mound of salt to a small plate, run a lime on the outside rim of 4 margarita glasses, then dip the rims in the salt. Add crushed chilies or Tajin to the salt for a lil’ kick.
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Make ahead: You bet your sweet ass you can make these ahead of time. You’ll need to do the extra slushy version first - mix the simple syrup, spirits and lime juice, freeze for at least 4 hours, then blend with the ice. This creates smaller ice crystals that freeze like a dream. Store this mixture in the freezer for up to 2 days.
Dial it down: Divide in half, or quarter as needed. You could also double this, if you have a big enough blender.
Alts and subs: You can use Triple-sec or some other orange liqueur, but I’ve found Cointreau to have the best flavor, hands down.
You can (and should!) add my favorite secret ingredient, Xtabentun (see the Ranch Water recipe for details). For a sweeter marg, add 4 ounces, for a less sweet marg, add 4 ounces and omit the simple syrup, or reduce the simple syrup according to taste.
Smoked Brisket Nachos
serves 4-6 as an appetizer, 2 as a meal, or 1 if you’re me
These are Texas nachos. Each chip is individually assembled so you never have to deal with the dreaded “bottom of the pile and no toppings left” issue that happens every. single. time. when eating traditional piled-high nachos. This particular recipe uses smoked brisket. You can smoke the brisket yourself, or buy some from a good BBQ spot. Don’t buy the “chopped brisket,” unless you want your nachos to taste like BBQ sauce. (Maybe you do!) Otherwise, buy sliced brisket and chop it yourself, at home.
Don’t let brisket box you in, though. You can put whatever you want on these bad boys. Ground taco meat, shredded chicken, shrimp or pulled pork will all taste spectacular. You could also go heavy on the beans, and make them vegetarian. However you do it, I can pretty much guarantee that you’ll never make nachos the other way again.
Ingredients
4, 6-inch corn tortillas, quartered
Vegetable or canola oil, for frying
Kosher salt
1/3 cup refried beans, recipe follows
1/2 pound smoked brisket, roughly chopped
8 ounces Colby jack cheese, shredded (about 2 cups)
2/3 cup sour cream
16 pickled jalapeño slices
Cilantro, salsa and guacamole, for serving
For the refried beans
1 cup (6 oz) dried pinto beans
2 strips bacon
½ yellow onion, roughly chopped
1 small jalapeno, roughly chopped
Kosher salt
1 large garlic clove, thinly sliced
1 tablespoon lard
Instructions
Make the refried beans. Cover the beans with 2 inches of water and soak overnight. Drain and set them aside. Add the bacon to a large pot and heat over medium-low to render the fat. Once the bacon has browned and most of the fat has rendered, remove it from the pan, leaving the rendered fat behind. (Save the bacon for another use, or eat it now - you know you want to.) Add the onion and jalapeño, season with salt and sauté until translucent, about 4 minutes. Add the garlic and cook until fragrant, about 1 minute more. Add the beans, cover with water by 2 inches, season with salt and bring to a boil. Cover, reduce the heat to a simmer, and cook until the beans are tender, about 1 hour. If you’re beans are old, they may take longer to cook, or they may not cook at all - don’t use old beans, ya silly!
Once soft, drain the beans from the pot, reserving 1 cup of the cooking liquid. Melt the lard in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add the beans, along with ½ cup of the cooking liquid, and use a potato masher to mash and sauté the beans into a paste. Add more cooking liquid to thin the mashed beans to your desired consistency. Add more salt, if needed. This will be more than enough refried beans for the nachos. Serve the leftovers on the side, or store for another use. You can freeze them!
Fry the chips. Add 2 inches of oil to a large pot and heat to 350F. If you don’t have a thermometer, you can put the end of a wooden spoon or chopstick into the oil, and if it bubbles, the oil is ready. (But do get a thermometer, they are inexpensive and more precise. This is what I use, and it works on meat as well.)
Fry the chips in batches until golden brown, about 3 to 4 minutes. Don’t overcrowd the pot, or the oil will drop temperature. Drain the chips on paper towels and season with salt.
Assemble and bake the nachos. Heat the oven to 375F. Arrange the chips on a baking sheet or cast iron skillet. Spread each chip with about 1 teaspoon of refried beans. Then about 1 tablespoon of chopped brisket, then about 1 tablespoon of shredded cheese. Bake the nachos for 5-7 minutes, until the cheese starts to bubble and brown. Remove from the oven, and top each nacho with a dollop of sour cream and a pickled jalapeño, sprinkle with cilantro and serve with the salsa and guacamole on the side.
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Make ahead: Refried beans can be made up to 4 days ahead. Same with brisket, if you are making it from scratch. Chips can be made up to 2 days ahead, if you keep them in an airtight container, they will stay crisp.
Dial it down: Why anyone would want to make less nachos, is beyond me. But you can! Just fry less chips and go from there. You can freeze any leftover ingredients for next time.
Alts and subs: For a vegetarian version of the refried beans, omit the bacon and use 2 tablespoons of vegetable, grapeseed or canola oil instead. Sub the same oil for the lard at the end.
If you MUST use canned refried beans, go right ahead. I like to thin mine out with a little bit of water so they aren’t as thick.
Re: chips - if you can find a sturdy enough store-bought tortilla chip, you can use them. They just need to be thick enough to hold up the weight of all the toppings without breaking.
Thanks for being here! Stay tuned for puffy tacos, chicken fried steak bites and more, coming in the next newsletter. Don’t forget to follow Ruined Table on tik tok and instagram. (Although admittedly, I haven’t posted to Tik Tok in a while. I’ll get back to it soon, I swear!)
Stay messy,
McBroom
🤠